Today marks my first official week of living in the van. And, what a week it has been. I must admit the first few days were kind of cheating. I was with friends in two of my favorite places. There was a sense of familiarity and a certain level of comfort. I’m not going to lie though, I did have a hard time leaving home last Tuesday. Despite feeling that it was time and I was ready, there were some tears shed when saying goodbye and pulling out of the driveway not knowing when I’ll be back hit harder than I expected. But, that’s growing up. Even if I weren’t living in a van, this is the point in my life where I’d be moving out and going out into the world fully on my own. But, the whole act of actually driving away in my new home with all my possessions and Chur (@travelswithchurro) and starting this journey made that transition feel very dramatic and extreme.
I’m grateful to my friends for helping me get off to a good start on this adventure. It was so special sharing the initial excitement with people I love in places that mean so much to me. But, after a few jam packed days it was time to say goodbye again. I’ve realized how much I hate saying goodbye, especially open-ended ones, but sometimes you just know it’s time to leave and that the people you care most about will pop up again somewhere down the road.
On my first real day on my own, it rained. Churro and I sat cooped up in the van as I did my work and then I called my mom in tears. Yeah, I know I’m 23 years old, but, in my book you’re never too old to call your mom for a good cry. I had a what the heck am I doing moment, I felt trapped in the van, I thought Churro was mad at me, I didn’t know what to do. I took my mom’s advice, stalked up on groceries and got moving. Despite the drizzling rain, it was a beautiful drive. Somewhere on my way through Vermont farmland, over Lake Champlain and into the Adirondacks, all of the doubt and worries that I had been feeling that morning washed away. Churro rode peacefully in the passenger seat listening to my terrible singing as we ventured out together into the unknown. I don’t have a set itinerary of where I’m going or what I’m doing when I get there, I’m just taking it day by day.
It’s only been 7 days, but it feels like I’ve been gone for a year. My days feel longer than they did at home, there’s more to do and something new to see around every corner. I’m not even that far from home or in states that are that foreign to me, but it is as if I’m on a different continent. Though every day is different, I’m beginning to settle into a routine. It’s definitely been an adjustment week for both me and Churro, but we’re finding our stride and figuring things out along the way.
Before I left, my mom gave me a book of daily meditations, “Journey to the Heart” by Melody Beattie, that she reads every morning as part of her routine. The book was written as the author, herself, was traveling cross country and the daily affirmations have been helping me start off each day with positive intentions- even if I’m freezing my arse off. This week one stuck out in particular:
“Honor This Time of Change
Drive across the bridge. You don’t have to understand it all right now. Information and understanding will come later. You’ll get to the other side. For now, trust and experience what you’re going through. Know that this time of change is sacred, too.” (p. 301)
There has been a lot of change lately and I’ve crossed a lot of bridges, literally and figuratively. I’m embracing it: the changing scenery, the changing weather, and the personal growth. Part of me wants to find some deeper meaning, have a great revelation, make sense of it all, but, for now, we’re just going day by day, driving slow, and soaking it all in.
ABLAZ 
You go girl! … and you don’t have to say “goodbye”…. just say “see ‘ya later”.
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